The Leap

A couple of the extremely competent hands I'm leaving you in

I get nervous before every rapid in the river.  The little voice kicks in, “am I good enough? Do I possess the right skills to safely and competently descend this?” The same is true at the bottom of every mountain: “am I in good enough shape to ascend this?”  This same questioning voice enters the fray before any big leap of change.

​Many of you know that I am working toward stepping back from the farm a bit to pursue a writing “side hustle.”  Working only part time earlier this year, and fancying myself a writer, I subscribed to “Poets & Writers” magazine and “The New Yorker” (did you know that comes weekly!!??).   As I work through the piles of print, not to mention my “to-be-read pile” that somehow continues to grow taller, I find lists of degrees and accolades, previously published books, teaching positions, etc. beneath the authors’ names.  The questioning voice notices the blank space that follows my name.

As I ponder this leap from the known to the completely unknown, the question, “am I good enough?” pervades my work.  But today, I decided to look to my oft-used metaphor of whitewater kayaking.  When I am nervous about a challenging rapid, I ask another question before I decide whether or not to run it, “what are the consequences if I fail?” Are they worth the risk?  Nearly always, the answer is yes.  Failure is rarely dangerous to anything more than ego.

And so it is with most leaps in life.  From today on, I’m going to look at the potential consequences, and thumb my nose at the questioning voice, say, “I don’t care if I’m not good enough (yet), I won’t ever get better if I don’t try!” and take the leap.

So, you’ll still hear from me here, and see me at occasional markets, but by the end of the year, I’m going to shift to working mostly behind the scenes at Tumbling Shoals Farm.  Don’t worry, I’m handing the reins over to extremely competent hands and I’ll be behind them supporting them the whole time.

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